Remember when...

It's so hard to not to take things for granted. It's so easy sometimes to forget how things were "back in the day." Technology has changed so much in in such a short time. I can remember back in the 1970s listening to 8 track tapes and Vinyl records. Then, it was on the the 80s and cassette tapes. I had such a great time recording music mixes on tape for myself and my friends. I used to have a black and white TV set that had rabbit ears with foil paper on them. This tv would look great for most of the time. However, there were times when the screen would go blank. The only thing I could do to get back the picture was to hit it on either side and the picture would return. I always get a chuckle when I think about that tv. But, you know what? That was my tv. And, whatever short comings it had I could deal with it because it was all mine.

Fast forward to now, 2012. Wow, I could never imagine watching tv on a 13 inch black and white. Or, enjoying my music primarily via vinyl, 8 track or cassette. Now, to put a mix together it simply takes cutting and pasting and bam, you've got a mix. Technology is so very cool and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I can only wonder what is on the horizon. How antiquated with mp3s be in 30 years? How funny will the iPad look in 50 years from now? Time will tell, but for now this is what's cool so enjoy it I will and embrace the new tech as it evolves.

Dallas Cowboys = Frustration

I'm getting so tired of the Dallas Cowboys being an average or below average football team. I began the football season by being somewhat optimistic. But, deep down inside I was really feeling like my team was going to suffer the same fate as before. Yes, I'm frustrated. I'm also saddened. Saddened because The Dallas Cowboys are, were, traditionally one of the top rated teams in the league. Sure, in the beginning it was rough going. However, the Cowboys made their way to the top of the NFL's top teams. They didn't win a Super Bowl until 1972 but before that they were competitive. In the 70's not only were they competitive, they won 2 Super Bowls. Would have been 3 were it not for a dropped pass. Ok ok, that's another story. In the 80's my Cowboys didn't fair too well. They sunk into mediocrity. But, in just over a decade, the "Boys" were back in town winning 3 Super bowls in 4 years. And, they were competitive a few years after that run.

Now, it's been one playoff win in 15 years. My team has been relegated to one of those franchises that seems to be up and coming but just can't make it happen. The kind of team like, the Cardinals, the Falcons, the Bengals, the Seahawks. You know what I'm talking about. I never thought I'd see the day when the mighty Dallas Cowboys were on the same level as those teams. But, it's happened. And, it's really sad.

Is it the owner? Many have been saying that for years. Well, maybe. I'm starting to think so. It was he who hired Wade Phillips. Absolutely hated that decision. It was he who went along with letting Tony Romo remain the starting QB. After the second year he started I was shouting "get rid of him!" "He's not the guy!" Yet he remains. He hired Jason Garrett as the new head coach. Didn't like that choice either. Some people have said that no quality coach wants to work for Jerry Jones. Why? Because he is a meddler. I'm starting to buy into that hypothesis.

Whatever the reason, I just want my Dallas Cowboys to be winners again. Enough is enough already.

What a beautiful moon

I took a look out of my window and in addition to the wonderful sight of the ocean, I saw our beautiful moon. What a spectacular and beautiful celestial object. The moon is synonymous with romance and mysticism. It also invokes thoughts of werewolves and monsters.

To me, it siphon all of that and more. When I see the moon, the first thing I think about is Geologic Time. I think about the Hadean Eon when the moon was much closer to the Earth and how must it have looked during those times. Enormous! I think about how insignificant we, as human beings, are in the grand scheme of things. I mean, really. We are sooooooooooo insignificant it boggles the mind. We are ONE planet in a galaxy that contains about 100,000 solar systems. If you stood at one end of out galaxy and turned on a flash light towards the other end of the galaxy, it would take 80,000 years the for light to reach the other side of the galaxy. 80,000 years.

Anything and everything we do on this Earth will, in the end,  NOT MATTER. In about 4.5 BILLION YEARS we will have been long gone. The work we did, the music we made, the money we made or lost, all will not matter.

We are matter that has taken the form we see today. Mass extinction will toss our form and all other form into the next form. There is much to do yet. My goals in life are mine and I want to strive to achieve those goals for me and no one else, understanding that whatever I accomplish, I accomplish to impress me and to keep everything in perspective. Geologic Time perspective.

How depressing

I think I just saw the most depressing movie ever. The movie is called That Evening Sun. If you are in need of a tear jerk-er? This is the movie for you. With out going into details, I had this movie on my queue on Netflix because I read the synopsis and thought it sounded like a pretty good movie. Well, that and the fact that Hal Holbrook is in it. I thought is was going to have a certain ending, which I had contrived on my own, but it turned out to end very differently that I had thought.

I'm only 44 years old. But, this movie got me thinking. Where, if I live to be an old man, am I going to be? Who is going to take care of me when I get old? I have no wife. I have no children. I don't even, at this point have any close friends. I fear the future right now. And, after watching the damn movie, I fear it even more. Well, I just have to make the best out of the time I have left. Be it one day, one week, one month etc.

I have always said, "I will plan my own demise." And, I mean that. I can not see myself in a nursing home being treated like a child. Me? Martin Deanda being fed through a G-tube? NO! Me? Martin Deanda being fed Pureed food? NO! Not going to happen. If the good Lord lets me live into my winter years, I will be very thankful. However, I will not place myself in the hands of uncaring people. I will not allow myself to whither away un-cared for.

The Exorcist Returns

Without a doubt, The Exorcist is the most frightening movie I have ever seen in my entire life. From the first time I saw this movie my definition of fear changed. Probably for ever. Before The Exorcist, fear meant Bigfoot, the creature from the black lagoon and the silver man. After the Exorcist, Possessed  Reagan, became the face of fear. When I was alone at night and all the lights were turned off, wondering what might be under the bed used to include a number of ghouls. Now, I knew exactly what was under the bed. Reagan! When the closet door was slightly ajar and only blackness was beyond, I knew what was waiting to jump out at me, Reagan! To be quite honest, I couldn't sleep alone for weeks after I saw that movie. I tried, but I couldn't do it. And, when I did start sleeping alone again, with the insistence of my mother, I left one or two lights on. As time went by it became easier to sleep with one eye open, so to speak. But, the thought of Reagan floating towards me in the middle of the night with that horrendous face and that demonic tongue wagging was well ensconced in my brain.

To this day The Exorcist remains one of my favorite movies. It's number 4 on my all time favorite movies. How can a movie that scares me so much be my number 4 all time favorite movie you ask? Well, I think in part it is because of that. It had a profound effect on my life. It remains the face of fear for me even now.

Why does the Exorcist scare me so much? I think it has to do with the fact that the subject matter deals with spirituality. The good versus evil. But more so, the vulnerability of us all to either witness or to be possessed by a foreign force. Psychosis? Maybe in many or most of the time that is the answer. However, as I believe in God and saints, I also believe that there lurks evil.

That's scary.

My IPad

This will be the 5th day with my IPad. So far I can say that I'm very happy with this product. That's putting it mildly. The IPad is every bit as impressive as Apple inthusiests made it out to be. First impressions: it feels so well built. When I pick the device up and hold it in my hand, it feels like, and looks like a work of art. Solid and eligent. The operating system works flawlessly. Finger gesture response is great and the speed of the IPad is very good and snappy. As far as the much touted retina display, it is simply beautiful. Text is crisp and smooth, even at the maximum magnification. Bottom line. The IPad is with out a doubt the best tablet on the market. I think back to something that a well respected tech columnest by the name of Andy Ihnatko said some time ago. I will paraphrase, the IPad isn't the only tablet out there. Other devices do what the IPad does but the IPad does it better. Having used this tablet, all be it for a bit less that 5 days, I have to agree. As time goes by and the more I will continue to lean on this product, the durability and dependability will be tested. As for now, this is the most fun I have ever had using a computing device. If you are in the market for a tablet computer, try other products, then try the IPad. It is my contention that you will come to the same conclusion I did. Winner? Ipad.

Mother's Day 2012

On this Mother's Day, I was pleased to have dinner with my mother. Or, what I consider my last source of unconditional love left on Earth. We had a great time talking and reminiscing about times in the past. Many of our remembrances featured my dad who has been dead for almost 5 years. Still to this day my dad makes us laugh and we enjoy thinking of him. My mother had the chicken fried steak and I had the catfish. We topped off our dinner with a banana split. Love you mom, looking forward to next year.

This guitar thing is tough

In February, I pulled the trigger on a new guitar. My very first one. As I said on the video I made 











http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayUAdggtHXA&feature=plcp  I was, and still am, very intimidated by this instrument. For a very long time I had longed to learn to play the guitar but I never seemed to make it a big priority. I have always marveled at how guitar players strummed and played their guitar so seemingly effortlessly.


Now that it's been a few weeks removed from picking up my guitar for the first time, I seem to have become a bit more comfortable with it. Just a bit. I've managed to learn the basic Major chords plus a few others. Enough actually to be able to play a few songs, although not very well. Just need more practice. Practice, that's been a problem in an of itself. There are some days that I don't get to practice at all. And, that pisses me off. However, I'm trying to get the most out of the time I do get to practice. In time I intend to contribute to the endless Youtube cacophony of people playing their guitar.

Nuevo Laredo, how I miss you

I'm not certain, but I think it's been 15 years since I've been across the boarder to Nuevo Laredo. I can still remember the first time I walked across the bridge exited and full of wonder at the anticipation of entering another country. I was a 15 year old high school kid always looking for adventure and instantly fell in love with the city.  The particular bridge I crossed lead to the main street of the centro (the center of the city). The first thing that jumped out at me was all the action going on. There were vendors galore and people walking up and down the streets carousing, talking and having a great time. If you wanted something to eat or drink, you would only have to stop and ask the nearest food vendor. If you wanted to buy a pair of shoes, you needn't go very far. There were shoes stores, on what seemed to me, on every corner. And, of course there was the music. Some of it was musica nortenea, mariachi and some Spanish pop. The atmosphere was electric and it brushed off on me to my delight.

After that first trip to NL, I couldn't wait to go back. My theater director (which also was the most influential teacher to that point) planned regular trips to the boarder city and I was always right there, ready to go. It was this point in my life where I learned that it was OK to travel ninety something miles to go have dinner. I thank you so much Mr. Howell. The allure of Nuevo Laredo never subsided. Every single time I went back, I was just as exited as the first time I was there.

After high school I continued to go to Nuevo Laredo. The most wonderful times I had there was when I introduced my wife to it. And yes, I did convince her that driving ninety something miles for dinner was OK. She loved the city as I did and it was so great watching her absorb Nuevo Laredo just as I had done that first time. Our favorite place to eat was a quaint little restaurant called Mexico Tipico. We did eat at other places, but that seemed to be our place of choice most of the time. We bought countless amounts of fruit and other items during the times we were there. It was especially nice bringing back Tequila and rum. We would also take orders from our family as well. We took back Leche Cemada, Dulce de Calavasa and many other things. The times we had there were very special indeed. The only regret is that I failed to take very many pictures of our times there. But, I have my memory. That will have to surfice.

The times have changed for the worse. There is a dark and ugly cloud hanging over Nuevo Laredo these days. There is violence, fear and violence. This makes me very sad. It makes me sad, not only because I'm frighten to return there, that would be selfish. I feel sadness for the people of Nuevo Laredo. I don't live there, they do. However, I do feel robbed. No longer can I go and enjoy a beer at the market and listen to great music. No longer can I speak with the people of Nuevo Laredo and listen to them tell me about there lives and vice versa. No longer can I go enjoy a good dinner at Mexico Tipico and enjoy the ambiance. It's sad and tragic.

I can only hope that one day before my time is up, I can once again see Nuevo Laredo the way I remember it. For now, only the memories of those great times will have to fill the void. Nuevo Laredo, how I miss you. Nuevo Laredo, vuelve un dia. Viva Nuevo Laredo!

P&S Hospital, historical web void

I did a photo and video shoot of the building which used to be P&S Hospital in Alice, Texas. I have known for a time that there is currently no historical material online of this formally thriving medical hub. You will, however, find plenty of paranormal excursions into the structure that yield little or no ghostly interaction.

I've yet to finish my piece on the hospital. I'm spending time researching the history of the edifice so that I can put together a short but informative presentation which will, hopefully be of some educational use to anyone seeking enlightenment of this significant and historical healthcare epicenter.

These pictures were taken on Saturday February 18, 2012.

Facebook Fatigue

At the current time, I have 51 Facebook "friends." This is too many. I am fascinated with people who have hundreds of friends on, not only Facebook, but other social networks. Out of the 51 people I have on my friends list, I only keep up with about 5 or 6. I've slowly continued to eliminate people who, for reasons unknown to me now, I added. Guess it seemed right at the time. I just have one problem. I don't want to offend anyone. But, just like ending a relationship, most of the time it isn't going to be smooth. However, it may come down to the person. For instance, I had a "friend" from work ask me if she could be my friend on Facebook. Having known this person for a long time, I said yes. Subsequently, in following months, she unfriended me. I have no problem with it. Really. Again, it was one of those times where I didn't have any interest in what this person is doing. Nonetheless, I accepted her friend request. So maybe the people who I'm considering unfriending feel the same way about me. I just don't know who they are. I wish I did, it would make me feel a lot better about hitting the unfriend button.


I seem to be saying to myself more and more "I'm so sick of Facebook." When I dissected the reasons behind my displeasure, I concluded that my frustration had nothing to do with Facebook. It's my friends list. The nexus of my frustration is as follows. When I post something on Facebook, I first think to myself. Is this post going to mean something? Is this post going to enlighten people? Is this post worth posting? Most of the people on my friends list ask none of these questions. I hate posting, what I consider, superfluous content. Examples: "I woke up with a head ache" or "my dog learned a new trick" It's amazing to me that those postings garner a number of likes and comments. Are you kidding me? I guess postings like that mean something to someone. Not me. When I post something on Facebook it is always: a useful website, photo site, news event, a documentary or something that contributes to substance. And, almost always my posts get no likes and no comments.


It may sound like sour grapes on my part. It's not that at all. It just sounds that way. As I've said, it's not Facebook and it's not my posts. It's my friends list. 


That's my fault.

Down on the NBA

When the NBA players decided to strike a few months ago, I couldn't rap my understanding around it. WHY? What are they protesting? Well, it's money as usual. Of all the professional sports, the NBA players are among the athletes that should least be crying about money or anything else related to their playing conditions. The pro baseball players, by the way, are the ones that should never cry about money and playing conditions. Are you kidding me? Baseball? Work? No. Getting paid millions for swinging a bat, running around a little bit, catching a ball and sitting in a dugout is cool. You have nothing to cry about. Pro basketball players have nothing to be crying about either. What do you do? You run around back and forth dribbling a ball, shoot at a basket and get a great workout while getting paid millions. The minimum wage for an NBA player is over $470.000 a year. Your F_ _ _ing joking? If they paid me $50,000 a year, I would play my heart out. Yes, the owners are raking it in. But, that is their franchise. It's their club. don't like the conditions there? Go somewhere else.

I'm a capitalist. I believe people should venture into a risk and have a chance to make a profit. I believe a person should "get as much as they can." But it rubs me the wrong way when pro players whine that they aren't getting paid what they should based on the disparity of income the franchises are making. It's not your club! Start a league of your own and pay out whatever you want.

At this time, I have not been able to watch an NBA game. Not even my beloved LA Lakers. I'm just too turned off. Maybe time will heal, but for now, no Pro basketball for me. Thank you.

The strain of sickness

It was a sore throat. "No big deal" I said. Then, it was a sore throat and a cough. I said to myself, "damn, I'm getting a cold." OK, so I'll have the symptoms as usual: running nose, cough, sore throat etc. for a few days and I'll be just fine. OJ, NyQuil and some good rest will do the job. But, I had no idea of the unrelenting and deplorable sickness I was about to encounter.

I have no health insurance and at this moment in time my financial condition mirrors the condition I was in, so a visit to the doctor was out of the question. My best guess was that I had pneumonia. Let's see, I had the most intense cough I have ever had, I was coughing up green glop, then yellow glop, the most intense head aches I have ever had, fever (103.4) and loss of apatite. A couple of friends took mercy on me and gave me antibiotics. I thank you guys, you just might have saved my life.

The timing of this illness couldn't have come at a worse time. I had two more weeks of Algebra class and a final exam to deal with. Just to give some perspective, math is the one thing in this life I hate the most. HATE IT WITH A PASSION! More perspective? Just think of something in this life you would hate to do the most. And, you had to do this in order to complete a life goal. Let me give you some help, if you are having trouble thinking of something. Let's say you had to eating a dozen sandwiches made of excrement. YES, that's how I feel about algebra. Did I make my point? I hope so. I finished up the last two weeks of class as the illness got progressively worse. By the time the final came around, I was in the throws of the wickedness that had invaded my body. I don't know how I managed to study the week before the test. I just took it a little at a time. I approached studying for the test very differently than I had planned earlier. Some how I was able to drag myself to class that morning, take the test and pass it with a 78. I ended up making a B in the class, which later bugged me because I knew I could have made an A had I not been sick. But, Oh well, I PASSES! I DON'T EVER HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER MATH CLASS AS LONG AS I LIVE!

I'm well now.

I thank God for the recovery. The animal inside me did it's damage but my body has done it's work once again. You don't know how good it feels to be healthy until you have been in a chasm of a treacherous illness. For the first time in my life I felt so vulnerable and so alone. For the first time in my life I feared not waking up in the morning. I see a lot of very sick people where I work. My sympathy for those peoples' needs has turned into empathy. The health care field is the last place I want to be. But, for the short time I have left there, I will intensify my compassion for the infirmed. Because, I know what it feels like to be in pain. Severe pain and distress.