How depressing

I think I just saw the most depressing movie ever. The movie is called That Evening Sun. If you are in need of a tear jerk-er? This is the movie for you. With out going into details, I had this movie on my queue on Netflix because I read the synopsis and thought it sounded like a pretty good movie. Well, that and the fact that Hal Holbrook is in it. I thought is was going to have a certain ending, which I had contrived on my own, but it turned out to end very differently that I had thought.

I'm only 44 years old. But, this movie got me thinking. Where, if I live to be an old man, am I going to be? Who is going to take care of me when I get old? I have no wife. I have no children. I don't even, at this point have any close friends. I fear the future right now. And, after watching the damn movie, I fear it even more. Well, I just have to make the best out of the time I have left. Be it one day, one week, one month etc.

I have always said, "I will plan my own demise." And, I mean that. I can not see myself in a nursing home being treated like a child. Me? Martin Deanda being fed through a G-tube? NO! Me? Martin Deanda being fed Pureed food? NO! Not going to happen. If the good Lord lets me live into my winter years, I will be very thankful. However, I will not place myself in the hands of uncaring people. I will not allow myself to whither away un-cared for.