I think I just saw the most depressing movie ever. The movie is called That Evening Sun. If you are in need of a tear jerk-er? This is the movie for you. With out going into details, I had this movie on my queue on Netflix because I read the synopsis and thought it sounded like a pretty good movie. Well, that and the fact that Hal Holbrook is in it. I thought is was going to have a certain ending, which I had contrived on my own, but it turned out to end very differently that I had thought.
I'm only 44 years old. But, this movie got me thinking. Where, if I live to be an old man, am I going to be? Who is going to take care of me when I get old? I have no wife. I have no children. I don't even, at this point have any close friends. I fear the future right now. And, after watching the damn movie, I fear it even more. Well, I just have to make the best out of the time I have left. Be it one day, one week, one month etc.
I have always said, "I will plan my own demise." And, I mean that. I can not see myself in a nursing home being treated like a child. Me? Martin Deanda being fed through a G-tube? NO! Me? Martin Deanda being fed Pureed food? NO! Not going to happen. If the good Lord lets me live into my winter years, I will be very thankful. However, I will not place myself in the hands of uncaring people. I will not allow myself to whither away un-cared for.
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Without a doubt, The Exorcist is the most frightening movie I have ever seen in my entire life. From the first time I saw this movie my definition of fear changed. Probably for ever. Before The Exorcist, fear meant Bigfoot, the creature from the black lagoon and the silver man. After the Exorcist, Possessed Reagan, became the face of fear. When I was alone at night and all the lights were turned off, wondering what might be under the bed used to include a number of ghouls. Now, I knew exactly what was under the bed. Reagan! When the closet door was slightly ajar and only blackness was beyond, I knew what was waiting to jump out at me, Reagan! To be quite honest, I couldn't sleep alone for weeks after I saw that movie. I tried, but I couldn't do it. And, when I did start sleeping alone again, with the insistence of my mother, I left one or two lights on. As time went by it became easier to sleep with one eye open, so to speak. But, the thought of Reagan floating towards me in the middle of the night with that horrendous face and that demonic tongue wagging was well ensconced in my brain.
To this day The Exorcist remains one of my favorite movies. It's number 4 on my all time favorite movies. How can a movie that scares me so much be my number 4 all time favorite movie you ask? Well, I think in part it is because of that. It had a profound effect on my life. It remains the face of fear for me even now.
Why does the Exorcist scare me so much? I think it has to do with the fact that the subject matter deals with spirituality. The good versus evil. But more so, the vulnerability of us all to either witness or to be possessed by a foreign force. Psychosis? Maybe in many or most of the time that is the answer. However, as I believe in God and saints, I also believe that there lurks evil.
That's scary.
